PART ONE AFFIRMATIONS An affirmation is a positive thought that you cansciously choose to immerse in your consciousness to produce a desired result. Example: AFFIRMATIONS AND RESPONSES I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. NO WAY! I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. NO..FEEL LIKE CRYING. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. IMPOSSIBLE. I AM BAD, VERY BAD. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. NEED TO BE PUNISHED. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. DAD WILL KILL ME. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. NEVER GOING TO FORGIVE MYSELF. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. NO THAT WAS TOO AWFUL. WRONG TO MAKE LOVE TO BROTHER!! I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. NO, I ENJOYED IT THEN. DANGEROUS! I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. BULLSHIT! I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. CAN'T SEE HOW. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. CAN'T IMAGINE IT. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. WHO WOULD WANT ME? I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. OH, YEAH? I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. MAYBE IF THAT NEVER HAPPENED.... I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. I HATE MYSELF TOO MUCH. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. IF I CAN EVER GET OVER THAT. I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. WELL, IF I COULD BE FORGIVEN.... I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. IS IT POSSIBLE? I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. CAN IT BE? I, Susan deserve sexual pleasure. DO I, REALLY? It is okay for me, John to ejaculate in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejaculate in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejaculate in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejacu NO, IT CAN'T BE. late in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejacu NO, I AM AFRAID IT WILL HURT HER. late in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejacu NO, I'LL LOSE THAT WARM STRONG FEELING IN MY PENIS. It is okay for me, John to ejacu- I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE IT IS NOT RIGHT. late in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejacu- IT IS NOT RIGHT. late in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejacu- IT IS NOT OKAY BECAUSE MEN ARE NO GOOD. late in a woman's vagina. I AM ASHAMED TO BE A MAN. It is okay for me, John to ejacu- I AM AFRAID TO SURRENDER-DON'T FEEL late in a woman's vagina. SAFE IN HER - CAN'T TRUST HER. It is okay for me, John to ejacu- WISH I COULD BELIEVE THIS. late in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejacu- SEEMS RISKY. late in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejacu- CONFUSION... FEELING CONFUSION. late in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejacu- DON'T KNOW. late in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejacu- NOT YET. late in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejacu- MAYBE SOME DAY. late in a woman's vagina. It is okay for me, John to ejacu- MAYBE. late in a woman's vagina. What is going on here? These people are using a new method called AFFIRMATIONS. It is very simple and, as you can see, it works very fast to get them in touch with the negative thoughts that were inhibiting their ability to enjoy sex. THE POWER OF AFFIRMATIONS The truth is that everything you need to know for better sex is within you. This book is the embodiment of a method that will make you aware of what is already in your subconscious and will tell you how to make it work for you immediately. All you need is a willingness to look at yourself and a pen and paper or typewriter - whatever is most comfortable for you. Five years ago when I began as a sex therapist in a Planned Parent- hood clinic in Arizona, I used the most up-to-date methods available at the time. Two years later when I was in the Air Force Nurse Corps I was able to produce good results with the same methods. The main problem was that those methods took so long, which was frustrating to my clients and to me. After I moved to northern California and became involved in some very powerful growth experiences I gained valuable insight into how people create problems for themselves and perpetuate them. Since I have learned the Affirmation Technique and applied it in my work, every client has made rapid and significant changes- the kinds of results they could directly experience. For example, until I began using affirmations with Susan and John, they verbalized only confusion and had no clear responses about what may have been blocking them. Susan came in telling me she couldn't enjoy sex and never been able to. When she gave me her sexual history, there was no mention of an incestuous relationship with her brother. She had repressed it deeply and had no conscious recall of it. What she did talk to me about was her inability to allow herself any enjoyment. John was able to masturbate to orgasm but could not ejaculate in a woman's vagina. He had tried other methods of therapy and had begun to get in touch with the cause, but was never able to change the result. He under- stood his fear of hurting women; but this did not help him to overcome the physical problem. Using John as an example, you can see that all I did was help him to invert his original complaint-a negative thought that had become his seemingly "real" belief or personal negative law-and make it a positive conviction by writing it as an affirmation, over and over. After three of four affirmations I asked him to hesitate after writing the next one to observe how his mind responded. Whatever resistance and objection his mind had to the affirmation was stimulated. I encouraged him to write down the responses on the right side of the paper. Each new thought or affirmation challoenged his mind and at the same time make a new impression. The more he wrote the affirmation over and over, the less his mind objected. As you can see by his last response, his mind was beginning to accept the new thought as his new reality within a very short time. He continued writing this ten or twenty times for several days. It then became obvious to both of us that as a little boy he had concluded that it was not good to be a man, based on what he had overheard his mother say about men, and he had built his reality around this negative connection. After reading his responses, I was then able to write more specific affirmations for him - he worked on such simple ones as "I, John, like being a man." He also put the affirmations on tape and played them before he went to sleep. After the first week he began to experience some changes. By the second week he could achieve orgasm inside a woman with only a little effort and emotional strain. The third week there was no problem at all, physically or emotionally. After reading what Susan wrote as her responses, I decided to give her the following affirmation: "I, Susan now forgive myself for having sex with my brother." She worked on it for a few days until she felt she had cleared out all her negative feelings in relation to the incident. She than began to see she didn't have to keep punishing herself by denying sex altogether. Her outward circumstances changed radically as she began to like herself again. In a very short time, both of these people were able to do their own affirmations and accomplish their own sex therapy. They were able to experience directly the ways in which they were responsible for their own sexuality and how they could exercise conscious control over their minds to produce desired results. As I continue to use the Affirmation Technique in therapy, I am still astonished by the quick results with so little effort. You, too, can do your own sex therapy in this way. In the light of Susan and John's experience, I will reiterate: AN AFFIRMATION IS A POSITIVE THOUGHT THAT YOU CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE TO IMMERSE IN YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS TO PRODUCE A DESIRED RESULT. In other words, what you do is give your mind an idea on purpose. Your mind will certainly create whatever you want it to if you give it a chance. By repetition, you can feed your mind positive thoughts and achieve your desired goal. There are various ways to use affirmations. Probably the simplest and most effective way that I have found is to write each affirmation ten or twenty times on a sheet of paper, leaving a space on the right-hand margin of the page for "responses," as John and Susan did. As the affirmation is written on the left side of the page, you also jot down whatever thoughts, considerations, beliefs, fears or emotions that may come into your mind on the right side of the page. Keep repeating the affirmation and observe how the responses on the right side change. A powerful affirmation will bring up all the negative thoughts and feelings stored deep in your consciousness and you will have the opportunity to discover what is standing between you and your goal. THE REPETITIVE USE OF THE AFFIRMATION WILL SIMULTANEOUSLY MAKE IT'S IMPRESSION ON YOUR MIND AND ERASE THE OLD THOUGHT PATTERN, PRODUCING PERMANENT DESIRABLE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE! The truth is that thoughts produce results; and since realizations can very soon be discovered with this approach, the results are often startling. I would like to use my own life as an example. I struggled for years to alter my life-style and my circle of friends as well as my techniques in bed, thinking that these exterior manipulations would really improve the quality of my existence. I did learn much and I did grow a great deal; but somehow I always ended up with essentially the same results. I wondered why this was so since I seemed to be thinking new thoughts. I had become aware that positive thoughts produce positive results and negative thought produce negatyive results, so I tried thinking positively, of course. I still was unable to get out of some of some of my repetitive behavior patterns however. Positive thinking alone was not enough; there were two facts that I failed to understand: A person is the sum total of ALL his or her thoughts; Old thoughts continue to effect results even though one is no longer thinking them. In other words, my conscious mind had readjusted; but my subcouscious had not. It seems that before the subconscious can change, a conflict must be worked through. If we have conditioned ourselves to feel that something is a "sin," and we want to do this sin, we unconsciously feel we are breaking a law. This conflict can be resolved by repeating the affirmation until the negative "law" has been replaced in our subconscious. In any case with the affirmations principle, I was able to uncover some negative decisions I had made very early in life. By changing those general- izations, I suddenly found myself released from the past. I gained the courage to begin doing the things I secretly had wanted to do. I became financially independent. I stopped having illnesses altogether. And I experienced relationshios with men that are lasting, totally nourishing, and effortless. As you might imagine I became so excited over these changes that I could not wait to share them with my friends and eventually with my clients. I listened more carefully when people talked to me and I began to notice their negative thoughts. Then I inverted those thoughts into positive ones and wrote the affirmations for them by this means. I have not yet seen this techinque fail on anyone who has used it. After studying the power of the mind and the power of thought, I soon learned that all personal and sexual problems are grounded in negative thoughts. I could see that the method of induced autosuggestion utilized with affirmations was the obvious solution. Emile Coue used autosuggestion in his clinic in France at the turn of the century. He tought his patients to repeat "Day by day, in every way, I'm getting better and better." In fact, ancient liturgies are based on the affirmation idea - the ritual of the Catholic Mass is an example that exists today. British trauma is another phenomenon about which Leonard taught me and from which many negative thoughts and feelings can emerge. I went through the experience of unraveling my own birth trauma, and have since worked with clients on their birth traumas. From these "rebirthing experiences" I learn a great deal about a client's early decisions regarding sex which were made in infancy, or in some cases, even before that. The so-called rebirthing experience happens in a redwood hot tub after several hours of intensive sensitizing preparation. The person floats face down in the water (using a noseplug and snorkel) in order to re-experience and remember birth. The process of reliving the experience is able to trans- form one's subconscious impression of birth from one of primal pain to one of pleasure. The effects on a person's life are immediate: as negative energy patterns held in the mind and body start to dissolve, "youthing" replaces aging and life becomes more fun. Recently one of my clients had a problem of feeling "pushed" by men as soon as the sex act was instigated. She liked sex and was orgasmic; however, she always had feelings of anger at the onset which she could never understand, nor could she seem to get them out of the way. I decided that it would be bveneficial for her to experience "rebirthing." During her rebirthing experience her "hang-up" became very clear. Her mother's labor had been induced; and at the same time she, as a baby, was being pushed out fast, she was also being pushed back in the womb by the doctors bvecause her shoulder had come out first. Her inner rage bagan then and there and had continued to affect her. Unconsciously she constantly set up situations for men to push her and then she would get angry at them - what she really was doing was trying to get even with the doctors. I am not saying that everyone's birth trauma is the major factor in sexual difficulties, however, I do know that the birth trauma affects us daily. Some clients who were handled roughly during birth apparently decided the world is a hostile place and that they could not trust anyone. Others reached the conclusion that touching is awful. Some people picked up the desire of their parents for a child of a different sex right in the delivery room or womb, and their sexual identies have been confused ever since. The important thing is to have a way to change these early negative decisions and that is the role of affirmations. with them you can be your own therapist! MAKING AFFIRMATIONS WORK FOR YOU In Parts Two & Three you'll find affirmations covering many probvlems. Pick out those that apply to you and begin working with one by writing it five or six times. Continue to write it; after a time hesitate at the end for a response from your mind. When your mind responds, "okay," "true," or "accept" then you can be pretty sure that the thought is already working for you. However, if your mind responds, "no," "untrue," "reject," or the like, then you know you have resistance in that area. Look over the affirmations for which you have negative responses, and then choose the ones you want to work with first. As a reinforcement, you may want to write a few on small cards (one per card) and carry them in your pocket or in your purse. Glance at them while riding on a bus, waiting for someone, standing in line, whenever you have the opportunity. Incidently, after about a week of writing an affirmation or when you have gotten in touch with most of the negative responses your mind has to the affirmation, it is a good idea to stop using the response column and just keep writing the positive, affirming sentence. At this point you might want to switch to a tape cassette. Recently I have also realized that it is just as effective for me to type affirmations - I am able to get ten written for each one I can do in longhand. Do what feels best for you. Here is how to get the most out of the techniques of autosuggestion using affirmations: 1. Work with one or more every day. The best times are just before sleeping, before starting the day and especially whenever you feel "bummed out." 2. Write each affirmation ten or twenty times. 3. Say and write each affirmation to yourself in the first, second and third persons as follows: I, Sondra, feel free to discuss all aspects of my sex life with my partner. You, Sondra, feel free to discuss all aspects of your sex life with your partner. She, Sondra, feels free to discuss all aspects of her sex life with her partner. Always remember to put your own name in the affirmation. Writing in the second and third person is also very important since your co9nditioning from others came to you in this manner. 4. Continue working with the affirmations daily until they become totally integrated in your consciousness. You will know this when your mind responds positively, and when you begin to experience the intended results. You will then experience mastery over your goals. You will be using your mind to serve you. 5. Record your affirmations on cassette tapes and play them back when you can. I very often play them while driving in the car on the freeway or when I go to bed. If I fall asleep while the earphone is still in my ear and the tape is going, the auto- suggestion is still working as I sleep. (I am sure you are aware that I use affirmations in all areas of my life, for problems at work, problems with my health, any problems at all. You can do the same.) 6. It is effective to look in the mirror and say the affirmations to yourself out loud. Keep saying them until you are able to see yourself with a relaxed, happy expression. Keep saying them until you eliminate all facial tension and grimaces. 7. Another method is to sit across from a partner, each of you in a straight back chair with your hands on your thighs and knees barely touching each other. Say the affirmation to your partner until you are comfortable doing it. Your partner can observe your body language carefully; if you squirm, fidget, or are unclear, you do not pass. He should not allow you to go on to another one until you say it very clearly without con- trary body reactions and upsets. When he does pass you, go on to the next affirmation. He can also say them back to you, using the second person and your name. He should continue to say them to you until you can receive them well without embarassment. This is harder than it sounds. Another alternative at any time, of course, is to say them to yourself. You man not always feel like writing. However, writing is more powerful because more of the senses are involved. So as you begin reading now, note which affirmations have the greatest emotional reaction or "charge" for you and mark them as you go. Try to have a good time discovering the secrets to your own consciousness. If you ever get to a point where you begin to feel upset, shaky, or afraid about something negative you learn about yourself, don't panic. Keep on writing the applicable affirmation over and over until your mind takes on the new thought. As it does, the negativity will be erased and you will feel lighter and better. Remember: It is just as easy to think positively as negatively. In fact easier. Negative thinking acutally takies more effort. Don't settle for so little in your life! You deserve a lot! BEGINNING AFFIRMATIVE EXERCISE 1. I,____________, was born with a limitless capacity for enjoyment and pleasure. 2. I, ___________, have a basic trust that my affirmations will work and my efforts will be rewarded. 3. I,____________, am willing to move through my barriers of ignorance fear, and anger so that my sexuality can assert itself. 4. Sexual satisfaction is a key element in my state of general health and well-being. 5. Every negative thought automatically triggers my creative mind into thinking three desirable positive thoughts.