From: the Bard
     To: All
Subject:: The Universal Conspiracy Against Everything
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THE UNIVERSAL CONSPIRACY AGAINST EVERYTHING 
 *********** A pocket guide to paranoiac thinking ***********

After a lot of reading within the "Conspiracy Theory of History" folks
of all stripes and flavors, I have drawn up this little chart showing
"The Universal Conspiracy Against Everything." Since most of these folks
don't seem to agree on much, I have done my best to chart it -all,-  both
"left" and "right" wing......if your favorite conspiratorial group is not
listed, stick it in -anywhere-....with enough tortured logic, you can find
a connection to -anything-. EVERYTHING in here has been listed, at one time
or another, by some group or another, as a "conspiratorial" group.

                    The Devil
                       |
         |---Cain------|---------------------Indo-Europeans
         |             |                                |
       Arabs         Biblical Giants-------Hittites-----|
         |             |                      |         |
         |  Babylonian Mystery Religion       |         |
         |  |   |      |          |           |         |
         |  |   |      |          |           |       Pagans
         |  |---|---Merovingians  |--------Hindus       |
         |  |   |      |       |  |           |         |
         |  The Protocols of the Elders of Zion         |
  |------|  |   |      |       |  |           |         |
  |      |  |   |      |       |  |    The Yellow Peril |
  |      | The Illuminatti--|  |  |           |         |
  |      |  |   |      |    |--|--|-Santa Claus-------Elves
  |--|---|-The Ismailians---|  |  |           |         |
  |  |      |   |      |       |  |           |         |
  |  |      |---|-Rosicrucians-|--|---------Elvis    Satanism
  |  |      |   |      |       |  |    |----| |         |
  | Shriners|   |---Catholics  |  |    |      |         |
  |  |      |   |      |      Easter   |    Space      The
  |  |---Masons |   Cathars   Bunny    |    Aliens-----Pope
  |      |      |      |       |  |    |      |         |
  |      |----Templars---------|  |    |    Rock        |
  |      |     ||   |  |         The   |-----and     Proctor
  |    Mormons ||   Carbonari   Media     |-Roll       and
  |      |     ||      |          |       |   |      Gambel Inc.
  |      |     ||   Protestants   |       |   |         |
  |      |     ||      |          |       |  Evolutionists------Science
  |      | |---The Hell-Fire Club |       |   |         |           |
  |      | |    |      |       Theosophy---Free Love--Golden Dawn   |
  |  YWCA/YMCA  |    Country      |           |           |        Mad
  |      |      |     Music      EST        Hippies     Smurfs  Scientists
 Turks   |      |      |          |           |           |         |
  |      ||--The World Bank    Foreigners     |       Scientology   | 
  |      ||     |      |          |        Harvey         |     |   |
  |  The UN-----Communists      Facists     Krishnas      |     | Computer
  |      |      |      |          |           |           |     |  Nerds
  |  The Military/Industrial    GM/Ford      TM   |-----Thelema |   |
  |      |   Complex   |          |           |   |       |     |   |
  |      |      |      |   Crown of England  UFOs |       |     |   |
  | Eastern Liberal Establishment |           |   |  Great-Aunt Tillie
  |      |      |      |      Republicans     |   |       |     |   |
  | The Medical Establishment     |      Science Fiction--|-----Cthulhu
  |      |      |      |         EEC          |   |       |         |
  | The Pyschiatric Establishment |           |   |   Women's Lib   |
  |      |      |      |          |           Gurus       |         |
  |     Homosexuals    |       Nazi Pagans    |   |  |--Atheists----|
  |      |      |   Identity----| |--------New Agers-|    |
  |----NAACP    |   Movement      |        |  |  |   |-Abortionists
 Black   |      |             Bar coding   |  |  |        |
 Muslims |   California           |        |  |  Neo-   Criminals
        NEA---Liberals---Ecologists--Yuppies  |  Pagans   |
         |      |                 |           |  |    |   |
       Moonies  |--Animal Rights--|----------Wicca-----Renaissance
         |      |                 |                      Faires
      New World Order     Anybody not in your sect
            |                     |
            |----------THE BEAST 666 ARMAGEDDON 
                       (When your sect goes to Heaven,
                       and all the rest of them go to
                       Hell.  Nyahh! Nyahh!)

  (NOTE: to those of an excitable nature, the preceding is a SATIRE.
  It is NOT INTENDED TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! OK? Reprint rights are
  granted. Send a copy c/o PO Box 35190, Phoenix AZ 85069.)