SEX/SPIRITUALITY SEX-SPIR.TAN *********************************************************************** WHAT IS SEX AFTER ALL BUT THE SYMBOL OF THE RELATIONSHIP OF MAN TO WOMAN, WOMAN TO MAN ? AND THE RELATIONSHIP OF MAN TO WOMAN IS AS WIDE AS ALL LIFE. IT CONSISTS IN INFINITE DIFFERENT FLOWS BETWEEN THE TWO BEINGS,DIFFERENT, EVEN APPARENTLY CONTRARY. CHASTITY IS A PART OF THE FLOW BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN, AS IS PHYSICAL PASSION. AND BEYOND THESE,AN INFINITE RANGE OF SUBTLE COMMUNICATION WHICH WE KNOW NOTHING AT ALL. -D.H.LAWRENCE BOBO ROSHI WAS A PERFECT MONK AS A YOUNG MAN.HE GOT UP EARLIER THAN EVERYONE ELSE,AND SAT IN THE GARDEN LONG AFTER EVERYONE ELSE HAD GONE TO BED. HE NEVER CLIMBED OVER THE MONASTERY WALLS TO VISIT THE GEISHA HOUSES, AS THE OTHER MONKS DID OCCASIONALLY. HE LIVED THIS WAY FOR FOURTEEN YEARS,WORKING ON HIS KOAN WITH OUT A BREAK. HE DID EVERYTHING JUST AS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE, AND MORE. BUT HE STILL COULD NOT FIND THE ANSWER TO HIS KOAN,NO MATTER WHAT HE DID. SUDDENLY, LATE ONE NIGHT, WHEN HE HAD BEEN SITTING ON A ROCK IN THE GARDEN, HE DECIDED TO LEAVE THE MONASTERY. HE STOPPED CONCENTRATING ON HIS KOAN, STOOD UP ABRUPTLY, AND CLIMBED OVER THE MONASTERY WALLS. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS, HE WALKED THROUGH THE STREETS OF KYOTO AIMLESSLY, UNTIL HE FOUND HIMSELF IN THE FLOATING WORLD OF THE PLEASURE DISTRICT. A WOMAN GESTURED TO HIM THROUGH THE DRAWN SHADES. HE WENT TO HER ROOM, SHE SERVED HIM TEA AND SAKI, AND THEN EMBRACED HIM. EVERY THING FELL AWAY AS THEY MADE LOVE, AND WHEN THE MONK EXPLODED INTO HER AT THE HEIGHT OF HIS PLEASURE, HE FOUND THAT THE UNIVERSE FELL AWAY TOO, AND THE ANSWER TO HIS KOAN, WHICH HE HAD STOPPED THINKING ABOUT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOURTEEN YEARS, SUDDENLY FLASHED INTO CONSCIOUSNESS. HE WEPT AND LAUGHED WITH JOY, GAVE THE LADY OF THE NIGHT HIS ROSARY BEADS, AND WENT BACK TO THE MONASTERY, WHERE HIS "SATORI" WAS CONFIRMED BY THE ASTONISHED ABBOT. ONLY THE UNITED BEAT OF SEX AND HEART TOGETHER CAN CREATE ECSTASY. -ANAIS NIN SEX THE YOUNG MONK DISCOVERED, IS NOT ONLY ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL FORCES IN OUR LIVES, IT IS ALSO POTENTIALLY ONE OF THE MOST LIBERATING. IN MANY WAYS, SEX IS IDENTICAL WITH THE LIFE-FORCE ITSELF. IT BRINGS US TOGETHER, SERVES AS AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE, CREATES LIFE, AND FULFILLS OUR LONGING FOR UNITY AND WHOLENESS. IT IS NO WONDER, THEN THAT THE MYSTICS OF ALL TRADITIONS HAVE OFTEN EXPRESSED THEIR DEEPEST ECSTASY IN IMAGES OF SEXUAL LOVE. FROM THE SPIRITUAL POINT OF VIEW, WE ENGAGE IN SEX NOT ONLY FOR PHYSICAL PLEASURE, BUT TO MERGE WITH THE BELOVED IN A STATE OF ECSTATIC SPIRITUAL UNION. [THIS MAY BE WHY SOME RELIGIONS AND PREACHERS ARE SO AGAINST SEX, AS IT CAN LIBERATE A HUMAN BEING AND GIVE THEM A DIRECT EXPERIENCE OF GOD, THAT SHOWS THE FALSENESS OF MANY TEACHINGS AND CAN END THE DEPENDANCE OF A PERSON ON A "PRIEST/PREACHER/BOOK" FOR KNOWLEDGE OF GOD, FOR COMMUNICATION WITH GOD] [DIRECT EXPERIENCES OF GOD TAKE POWER AWAY FROM THOSE WHO NEED AND CRAVE IT] [IT IS SAD THAT MOST WESTERNERS ARE IGNORANT OF THESE POSSIBILITIES WHICH EXIST IN SEXUAL LOVING, FOR DEEP SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCES AND SPIRITUAL GROWTH] "FOR WHAT IS THE BELOVED?", ASKS D.H. LAWRENCE. "SHE IS THAT WHICH I MYSELF AM NOT. IN THE ACT OF LOVE, I AM PURE MALE, AND SHE IS PURE FEMALE. SHE IS SHE AND I AM I, AND CLASPED TOGETHER WITH HER, I KNOW HOW PERFECTLY SHE IS NOT ME, HOW PERFECTLY I AM NOT HER, HOW UTTERLY WE ARE TWO, THE LIGHT AND THE DARKNESS, AND HOW INFINITELY AND ETERNALLY NOT-TO-BE-COMPREHENDED BY EITHER OF US IS THE SURPASSING -ONE- WE MAKE." "THE HEIGHT OF SEXUAL LOVE," WRITES ALAN WATTS, IN HIS CLASSIC: NATURE, MAN, AND WOMAN, "COMING UPON US OF ITSELF, IS ONE OF THE MOST TOTAL EXPERIENCES OF RELATIONSHIP TO THE OTHER OF WHICH WE ARE CAPABLE, BUT PREDUDICE AND INSENSITIVITY HAVE PREVENTED US FROM SEEING THAT IN ANY OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES SUCH DELIGHT WOULD BE CALLED MYSTICAL ECSTASY. FOR WHAT LOVERS FEEL FOR EACH OTHER IN THIS MOMENT IS NONE OTHER THAN ADORATION IN ITS FULL RELIGIOUS SENSE, AND AT ITS CLIMAX IS ALMOST LITERALLY THE POURING OF THEIR LIVES INTO EACH OTHER. SUCH ADORATION, WHICH IS DUE ONLY TO GOD,WOULD INDEED BE IDOLATROUS, WERE IT NOT THAT IN THAT MOMENT LOVE TAKES AWAY ILLUSION AND SHOWS THE BELOVED FOR WHAT HE OR SHE IN TRUTH IS---NOT THE SOCIALLY PRETENDED PERSON BUT THE NATURALLY DIVINE. [SEX IS NOT SEPARATE FROM LIFE-SEX IS NOT SIN] WHEN THE VISIONARY CULTURE-WATCHER GEORGE LEONARD PROCLAIMS IN "THE END OF SEX" THAT "SEX IS AN IDEA WHOSE TIME HAS PASSED," HE IS TALKING ABOUT THE NOTION OF SEX "AS ACTIVITY, A FIELD OF STUDY, AN ENTITY THAT SOMEHOW SEEMS TO EXIST ALMOST ENTIRELY SEPARATED FROM THE REST OF LIFE. LEONARD READ "SCORES OF CURRENT SEX BOOKS" FOR HIS RESEARCH, AND FOUND THAT FEW OF THEM EVER MENTIONED ""LOVE"" OR CREATION. HE SAID THAT THE MODERN NOTION OF SEX IGNORES THE CLOSE RELATIONSHIP THAT ANCIENT AND TRADITIONAL CULTURES RECOGNIZED "BETWEEN THE ACT OF LOVE AND THE PROCESS OF CREATION--NOT JUST OF BABIES, BUT OF MATTER, EARTH, SKY, WATER, ISLANDS, MONSTERS, AND GODS." "THIS DISCONNECTION, "LEONARD POINTS OUT, "MAKES US THINK THAT OUR EROTIC BEHAVIOR ACTUALLY HAS LITTLE TO DO WITH ANYTHING ELSE THAT WE BELIEVE, FEEL, OR DO AND IS, THUS, ESSENTIALLY TRIVIA." WHAT WE NEED TO DO. LEONARD REMINDS US, IS "RECONNECT THE BEDROOM WITH THE REST OF OUR LIVES, WITH SOCIETY,AND NATURE, AND PERHAPS WITH THE STARS. WE NEED TO REALIZE THAT THE WAY WE MAKE LOVE INFLUENCES THE WAY WE MAKE OUR WORLD AND VICE VERSA. WE NEED TO APPRECIATE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THE EROTIC AND THE CREATIVE. WE NEED, MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE TO REAWAKEN TO THE ALMOST-ENDLESS, HALF-FORGOTTEN, LIFE TRANSFORMING POWERS OF FULL-BODIED, FULLY COMMITTED LOVE." SEX IS JUST THE BEGINNING, NOT THE END. BUT IF YOU MISS THE BEGINNING, YOU WILL MISS THE END ALSO. -BHAGWAN SHREE RAJNEESH IN THE WORLD OF SEX, HENRY MILLER ECHOES THIS THEME: FOR SOME SEX LEADS TO SAINTHOOD; FOR OTHERS IT IS THE ROAD TO HELL. IN THIS RESPECT IT IS LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN LIFE---A PERSON, THING, AN EVENT, A RELATIONSHIP. ALL DEPENDS ON ONE'S POINT OF VIEW. TO MAKE LIFE MORE BEAUTIFUL, MORE WONDERFUL, MORE DEEP, AND SATISFYING, WE MUST GAZE WITH FRESH, CLEAR VISION UPON EVERY CONTRIBUTING ELEMENT OF LIFE. IF THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG ABOUT OUR ATTITUDE TOWARD SEX, THEN THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG ABOUT OUR ATTITUDE TOWARD BREAD, TOWARD MONEY, TOWARD WORK, TOWARD PLAY, TOWARD EVERYTHING. HOW CAN ONE ENJOY A GOOD SEX LIFE IF HE HAS A DISTORTED, UNHEALTHY ATTITUDE TOWARD THE OTHER ASPECTS OF LIFE? (UNORIGINAL SIN) ------------------------------------------------------------------------ AS MOST OF US KNOW ALL TOO WELL, CONVENTIONAL RELIGION TEACHES THAT SEX AND SPIRITUALLY ARE SOMEHOW MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, IF NOT ANTAGONISTIC. THERE ARE MANY RATIONALS FOR FINDING SEXUALITY AND SPIRITUALITY INCOMPATIBLE: SAINTS PAUL AND AUGUSTINE EQUATE DESIRE WITH ""ORIGINAL SIN"", [IT IS INTERESTING TO NOTE, THAT IN THE RESEARCHES OF THE OBJECTIVE BIBLICAL SCHOLARS,ONE FINDS THERE WAS MUCH "DISSENT" OVER WHAT THE ORIGINAL SIN WAS, ACTUALLY MEANT TO BE,THAT IS, WHY "ADAM AND EVE" WERE, ACCORDING THE BIBLE, CAST OUT OF THE "GARDEN", BETWEEN THE "EARLY FOUNDERS OF WHAT IS NOW THE CURRENT CHRISTIAN RELIGION".] HINDUS SEE SEX AS ILLUSION OR MAYA. WESTERN ESOTERICISTS TEACH THAT SEXUAL ENERGY IS EITHER WASTED IN THE PURSUIT OF PLEASURE "OR" TRANSMUTED INTO A "HIGHER" SPIRITUAL ENERGY. IN ANY CASE, IT COMES DOWN TO WHAT ALAN WATTS APTLY CHARACTERIZES AS "THE ANCIENT AND WIDELY PREVALENT CONFLICT BETWEEN SPIRITUALITY AND SEXUALITY---THE BELIEF, FOUND IN EAST AND WEST ALIKE--- THAT SEX ABSTINENCE AND FREEDOM FROM LUST ARE ESSENTIAL PREREQUISITES FOR MAN'S PROPER AND ULTIMATE DEVELOPMENT. BUT AS RAJNEESH POINTED OBSERVES: "SEX HAS BEEN CALLED "THE ORIGINAL SIN". IT IS NEITHER ORIGINAL NOR SIN." IT IS NOT SUPRISE THAT, BECAUSE OF THE WAY OUR CULTURE HAS TENDED TO VIEW SEX, FEW OF US HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO SEE SEX AS A SPIRITUAL PATH OR TO USE SEXUALL LOVING AS A MEANS OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH. IN FACT, MANY OF THE ATTITUDES AND QUALITIES THAT MAKE UP THE SPIRITUAL LIFE CAN BE DEVELOPED AND REFINED THROUGH SEX. SEEN FROM THE SPIRITUAL POINT OF VIEW, SEX BECOMES A PATH OF GREAT SUBTLETY AND BEAUTY. [THE MASTER FROM THE EAST, BABA HARI DAS, WHEN ASKED IF, LOVE, MARRIAGE, SEXUAL LOVING KEPT ONE FROM ATTAINING GOD, STATED, "THERE IS MUCH CONFUSION AND FALSE IDEAS IN THE WORLD ABOUT THIS, IN VERY OLD TIMES ALL THE ENLIGHTENED ONES HAD FAMILIES AND CHILDREN. IT IS ONLY IN MORE RESENT TIMES SUCH IDEAS HAVE BEEN BELIEVED IN."] EXPLORING THE PATH OF SEX:FIVE GUIDE POSTS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. SEX AS COMMUNICATION SEX IS OUR MOST INTIMATE FORM OF COMMUNICATION. AT ITS MOST INTENSE, COMMUNICATION BECOMES COMMUNION---A MUTUAL OPENING AND MEETING BEYOND WORDS AND CONCEPTS FROM OUR DEEPEST AND MOST VULNERABLE PARTS. SUCH COMMUNICATION IS ONLY POSSIBLE WHEN THERE IS OPENNESS, HONESTY,AND REGARD FOR YOU PARTNER AS AN EQUAL. THIS MAY SEEM OBVIOUS, BUT IT IS THE MOST FUNDAMENTAL ASPECT OF SEX, AND ONE THAT IS TOO OFTEN FORGOTTEN. SEX REMINDS US OF OUR INTERDEPENDENCE AND ONENESS. 2. SEX AS SURRENDER COMMUNICATION IN ITS DEEPEST SENSE LEADS TO SURRENDER, TO OPENNESS TO YOUR PARTNER. STELLA RESNICK, WRITING IN NEW AGE, SAYS "IN SEXUAL SURRENDER, THE EMPHASIS IS NOT SO MUCH ON ACTION AS IT IS ON RECEPTIVITY, ON BECOMING MORE AND MORE SENSITIVE TO THE WAVES OF EXCITEMENT THAT WASH OVER THE BODY." GIVING UP TECHNIQUE AND FIXED NOTIONS ABOUT WHAT ONE IS SUPPOSED TO DO TO HAVE GOOD SEX OPENS UP THE ELEMENT OF SUPPRISE AND MAKES SEX MORE LIKE A DANCE CHOREOGRAPHED NOT BY THE MIND BUT BY THE NATURAL RHYTHMS OF THE BODY." "THE GREATEST RESISTANCE TO SEXUAL SURRENDER IS IN THE MIND,"CONTINUES RESNICK. "WHEN PEOPLE HAVE TROUBLE LETTING THEMSELVES GO SEXUALLY, OFTEN IT HAS TO DO WITH INTERFERENCE FROM MENTAL INSTRUCTIONS THAT RESULT IN HOLDING THE BREATH AND TENSING. THE MIND KEEPS YOU DISTRACTED FROM WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND WORKS AGAINST YOUR FULL PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL PARTICIPATION." AS RESNICK POINTS OUT, "SURRENDER TAKES PLACE PRIMARILY IN THE BREATH, AND EVEN MORE SPECIFICALLY, ON THE EXHALE, SINCE WE TAKE IN ON THE INHALE AND LET GO ON THE EXHALE...CONSCIOUS BREATHING FOCUSES YOU IN THE PRESENT. AS THE BREATH RELEASES TENSION, YOU BEGIN TO FEEL YOURSELF FLOATING AND YOU CAN LET YOUR BODY TAKE OVER. YOU CAN SYNCHRONIZE YOUR BREATH WITH YOUR LOVER'S, MATCHING INHALES AND EXHALES---BREATHING THE ONE BREATH." 3. SEX AS DELIGHT "BHOGA IS YOGA," GOES AN OLD INDIAN SAYING, OR ROUGHLY TRANSLATED "DELIGHT IS RELIGION". [YOGA IS BETTER TRANSLATED AS "UNION" AND OR AS "UNION WITH GOD" INSTEAD OF RELIGION] SEXUAL PLEASURE AND ECSTASY PROVIDE A FORETASTE AND PREPARATION FOR THE EXPERIENCE OF "MAHASUKHA", THE GREAT BLISS OF LIBERATION. "ORGASM IS AN EXPLOSION WHICH CLEARS MY MIND," ONE WOMAN REPORTED IN THE HITE REPORT, A FORCE COLLECTED FROM MY ENTIRE BODY, REVITALIZING AND INSPIRING--LIKE WAVES OF FIRE, LIKE BECOMING ONE WITH THE RHYTHMS THAT RUN THE UNIVERSE, LIKE RECEIVING A PERSONAL MESSAGE THAT LIFE IS GOOD AND BEAUTIFUL. 4. THE UNION OF OPPOSITES ACCORDING TO A MYTH THAT PLATO RETELLS IN THE SYMPOSIUM, HUMAN BEINGS WERE ORIGINALLY JOINED TO EACH OTHER. IN THE DISTANT PAST THEY WERE SEPARATED AND EVER SINCE THEN THEY HAVE BEEN TRYING IN THE ACT OF SEX TO REUNITE WITH THEIR LOST HALVES. ACCORDING TO THIS PLATONIC MYTH, THEN, IN SEX WE ARE TRYING TO REGAIN OUR WHOLENESS AND COMPLETION. IN THE EAST THE TANTRAS--ANCIENT HINDU AND BUDDHIST SCRIPTURES--USE SEXUAL SYMBOLISM TO EXPRESS THE UNION OF OPPOSITES NECESSARY FOR ENLIGHTENMENT. IN THE HINDU TANTRAS THE SHAKTI, OR GODDESS, IS CONSIDERED THE PRIMAL ENERGY OF THE WORLD, AND THE MALE DEITY (OFTEN SHIVA) SYMBOLIZES MEDITATIVE STILLNESS. IN BUDDHIST TANTRA, THE FEMALE DEITY SYMBOLIZES EMPTINESS OR WISDOM (STILLNESS), WHILE THE MALE DEITY SYMBOLIZES COMPASSION OR SKILLFUL MEANS (ACTIVITY). (SCHOLARS HAVE WRITTEN VOLUMES ON THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS DIFFERENCE, BUT FOR US IT ONLY GOES TO SHOW THAT IT IS THE UNION OF OPPOSITES, NOT THE IDENTIFICATION OF THEM AS MALE OR FEMALE, THAT IS THE IMPORTANT POINT.) IN TAOISM, UNION IS EXPRESSED THROUGH THE FAMILIAR YIN AD YANG SYMBOLS. THE FEMALE IS SYMBOLIZED BY THE YIN--DARK, PASSIVE, SOFT, YIELDING ENERGY-- AND THE MALE BY THE YANG: ACTIVE, HARD, LIGHT ENERGY. THE UNIVERSE IS MADE UP OF THE UNION OF BOTH. LIGHT CAN NOT EXIST WITHOUT DARK, ACTIVE WITHOUT PASSIVE, HARD WITHOUT SOFT. "THE TAOISTS," JOLAN CHANG WRITES IN THE TAO OF LOVING, "HELD THAT SEXUAL HARMONY PUT ONE IN COMMUNION WITH THE INFINITE FORCE OF NATURE, WHICH THEY BELIEVE HAD SEXUAL OVERTONES TOO. EARTH FOR INSTANCE WAS FEMALE, OR YIN ELEMENT, AND HEAVEN THE MALE, OR YANG. IT WAS THE INTERACTION BETWEEN THESE TWO THAT CONSTITUTED THE WHOLE. BY EXTENSION THE UNION OF MEN AND WOMEN ALSO CREATED A UNITY. AND ONE WAS AS IMPORTANT AS THE OTHER. THERE IS, OF COURSE, NO REASON TO SIMPLIFY THE POLARITIES OF LOVE AS UNAMBIGUOUSLY "MALE" AND "FEMALE" ; IN FACT, IT IS PROBABLY CLOSER TO THE TRUTH (AND MORE ENJOYABLE) TO REALIZE THAT WE ALL INCLUDE BOTH MALE AND FEMALE QUALITIES, BOTH POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE POLES, AND THAT IN OUR LOVING-MAKING WE CAN EACH MANIFEST DIFFERENT QUALITIES AT DIFFERENT TIMES. 5. SEX AS COSMOS: AS ABOVE SO BELOW IN THE WAY OF SPLENDOR, EDWIN HOFFMAN TELLS US THAT ACCORDING TO THE ANCIENT JEWISH MYSTICAL TRADITION OF THE KABBALAH, "THE CELESTIAL "KING AND QUEEN" UNITE IN SEXUAL ECSTASY TO SUSTAIN THE COSMOS EACH DAY....WHENEVER MARTIAL PARTNERS ENGAGE IN LOVE MAKING WITH INTENSE CONCENTRATION, THEY HELP TO HARMONIZE ALL REALMS OF THE UNIVERSE. THAT IS, JUST AS THE FULL SEXUAL EMBRACE --IF PERFORMED THE PROPER ATTITUDE AND DESIRE--IS SEEN TO BRING THE HUMAN COUPLE TOGETHER ON MANY LEVELS OF THEIR BEING, SO TOO DOES THIS ACT CAUSE PEACE AND LOVE TO REIGN MORE THOROUGHLY EVERYWHERE. AS ABOVE, SO BELOW." ONE HAS TO GO BEYOND SEX ONE DAY, BUT THE WAY BEYOND GOES THROUGH, AND IF YOU NEVER GO INTO IT RIGHTLY, IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO GO BEYOND IT. SO GOING THROUGH IT IS PART OF GOING BEYOND. -BHAGWAN SHREE RAJNEESH ONCE TWO MONKS WERE WALKING DOWN A DIRT ROAD. THEY CAME TO A STREAM. THERE STOOD A GIRL UNABLE TO CROSS FOR FEAR OF RUINING HER DRESS.THE FIRST MONK PICKED HER UP AND CARRIED HER ACROSS. THE MONKS CONTINUED THEIR JOURNEY IN SILENCE. AFTER A FEW HOURS THE SECOND MONK TURNED AND ASKED, "HOW COULD YOU PICK HER UP WHEN WE HAVE MADE VOWS NOT TO EVEN LOOK AT A WOMAN?" THE FIRST MONK REPLIED, "I LEFT HER BACK AT THE STREAM BUT YOU SEEM TO BE STILL CARRYING HER." -ZEN STORY TANTRA ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IN THIS TECHNIQUE IT IS COMMON FOR THE INDIVIDUAL TO EXPERIENCE AS MANY AS A DOZEN OR TWENTY PEAKS OF RESPONSE WHICH, WHILE CLOSELY APPROACHING THE SEXUAL CLIMAX, DELIBERATELY AVOID WHAT WE SHOULD INTERPRET AS ACTUAL ORGASM. PERSONS WHO PRACTICE SUCH TECHNIQUES COMMONLY INSIST THAT THEY EXPERIENCE ORGASM AT EACH AND EVERY PEAK EVER THOUGH EACH IS HELD TO SOMETHING BELOW FULL RESPONSE...EJACULATION IS AVOIDED. -ALFRED KINSEY OUR SEXUALITY IS THE DEEPEST AND MOST PRIMAL IMPULSE WE POSSESS. REPRESSED, IT DRAINS OUR VITAL ENERGIES AND WEAKENS ALL OUR FACULTIES OF MIND AND BODY. FULFILLED, IT BECOMES A GREAT CREATIVE AND REGENERATIVE FORCE. SEXUAL LIBERATION DOES NOT LIE IN MASTERING TECHNIQUES WHICH SEE OUR BODIES AS PLEASURE MECHANISMS, BUT IN THE REALIZATION THAT OUR BODIES ARE HOLY AND THAT SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE SHARING OF THE DIVINE ENERGY THAT ANIMATES THE UNIVERSE. -LAYNA VERIN THE ENTIRE SOCIAL AND CULTURAL GAME OF ANTI-SEXUAL, "SPIRIT AGAINST FLESH" EDUCATION IS SO MONSTROUS, SO OPPOSED TO INCARNATE HUMAN HAPPINESS AND HUMAN RESPONSIBILITY, AS WELL AS THE ULTIMATE TRANSCENDENTAL SACRIFICE OF THE INDIVIDUAL BODY-MIND THROUGH MORAL AND SPIRITUAL PROCESSES, THAT IT MUST BE CONSIDERED THE PRIMARY SOCIAL AND EVEN PHILOSOPHICAL ISSUE OF OUR TIME. -DA FREE JOHN CONTEMPLATIVE LOVE ---------------------------------------------------------------------- THE PATH THAT RECOGNIZES THE INSEPARABILITY OF SEX AND SPIRITUALITY IS MOST FULLY DESCRIBED IN THE ANCIENT TANTRIC AND TAOIST TRADITIONS. ALAN WATTS CALLS THIS THE TRADITION OF CONTEMPLATIVE SEX. THE KEY TO SPIRITUAL LOVEMAKING OR CONTEMPLATIVE SEX IS NOT TO MAKE ORGASM THE GOAL. "THE PLEASURE IN SEX," WRITES ROLLO MAY IN LOVE AND WILL, "IS DESCRIBED BY FREUD AND OTHERS AS THE REDUCTION OF TENSION; IN EROS, ON THE CONTRARY, WE WISH NOT TO BE RELEASED FROM THE EXCITEMENT BUT RATHER TO HANG ONTO IT, TO BASK IN IT, AND EVEN TO INCREASE IT." THE SECRET OF THIS KIND OF GOAL LESS LOVEMAKING IS ACTUALLY QUITE SIMPLE AND NATURAL. AS EXCITEMENT BUILDS, WE USUALLY INCREASE OUR MOVEMENTS TO INCREASE TENSION AND FORCE RELEASE. BUT IN CONTEMPLATIVE SEX, YOU SIMPLY RELAX. YOU SLOW DOWN, AND BREATHE DEEPLY AND SLOWLY.IF YOUR EYES ARE CLOSED, OPEN THEM; OPEN YOUR MIND AND SENSES TOO. NOTICE YOUR BREATHING, AND THE RADIANCE OF YOUR PARTNER. "SEXUAL LOVE IN THIS SPIRIT IS A REVELATION," WRITES ALAN WATTS. "LONG BEFORE THE MALE ORGASM BEGINS, THE SEXUAL IMPULSE MANIFESTS ITSELF AS WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED, PSYCHOLOGICALLY, AS A MELTING WARMTH BETWEEN THE PARTNERS., SO THAT THEY SEEM VERITABLY TO FLOW INTO EACH OTHER. TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY, 'PHYSICAL LUST' TRANSFORMS ITSELF INTO THE MOST CONSIDERATE AND TENDER FORM IMAGINABLE." BEYOND ORGASM ----------------------------------------------------------------------- WHILE NEARLY ALL TRADITIONS OF CONTEMPLATIVE LOVE AGREE THAT IT IS A MISTAKE TO MAKE ORGASM THE GOAL OF LOVEMAKING, IT IS ALSO A MISTAKE TO MAKE NOT HAVING AN ORGASM THE GOAL OF LOVEMAKING. CERTAIN TANTRIC AND TAOIST TEXTS GIVE ELABORATE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO CHANNEL THE SEXUAL ENERGY ORDINARILY DISCHARGED DURING ORGASM. WE DO NOT RECOMMEND THAT YOU TRY TO USE SEXUAL ENERGY TO OPEN CHAKRAS (PSYCHIC ENERGY POINTS) OR TO AWAKEN THE KUNDALINI, THE SO CALLED "SERPENT POWER" SAID TO LIE DORMANT AT THE BASE OF THE SPINE. PRACTICES LIKE THAT NEED A GREAT DEAL OF SPIRITUAL AND YOGIC PREPARATION AND PERSONAL GUIDANCE. WITHOUT THE PROPER PREREQUISITES, THEY MAY BE DANGEROUS. ALAN WATTS REMINDS US: THE POINT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT IT CAN BEAR REPETITION; CONTEMPLATIVE LOVE- LIKE CONTEMPLATIVE MEDITATION-IS ONLY QUITE SECONDARILY A MATTER OF TECHNIQUE. FOR IT HAS NO SPECIFIC AIM; THERE IS NOTHING IN PARTICULAR THAT HAS TO BE MADE TO HAPPEN. IT IS SIMPLY THAT A MAN AND A WOMAN ARE TOGETHER EXPLORING THEIR SPONTANEOUS FEELING-WITHOUT ANY PRECONCEIVED IDEA OF WHAT IT OUGHT TO BE, SINCE THE SPHERE OF CONTEMPLATION IS NOT WHAT SHOULD BE, BUT WHAT IS. MOST PEOPLE WHO EXPERIMENT WITH CONTEMPLATIVE SEX FIND THAT THE ATTITUDE IS MOST IMPORTANT, NOT THE FINAL RESULT. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH MAKING LOVE IN A CONTEMPLATIVE WAY, ENJOYING THE MOMENT, YOUR PARTNER, AND THE SLOW MEDITATIVE DANCE FOR AS LONG AS YOU LIKE-AND THEN, IF IT FEELS RIGHT, GOING ON TO CLIMAX. CONTEMPLATIVE SEX IS MEANT TO ALLOW YOU TO EXPLORE THE DIMENSIONS OF YOUR OWN SEXUALITY, NOT TO ADD MORE RULES. SINCE CONTEMPLATIVE SEX IS GOAL-LESS, LET YOUR LOVEMAKING ASSUME WHATEVER FORM IT TAKES. -KAREZZA ------------------------------------------------------------------------- IN THE LATTER PART OF THE NINETEENTH CENTURY, A REMARKABLE WOMAN NAMED DR. ALICE STOCKMAN DISCOVERED A WAY OF SPIRITUAL LOVEMAKING THAT HAD A STRIKING SIMILARITY TO TAOIST AND TANTRIC TECHNIQUES. DR. STOCKMAN, WHO PRACTICED MEDICINE IN CINCINNATI TOWARDS THE END OF THE NINETEENTH CENTURY, WAS ONE OF THE FIRST WOMAN DOCTORS IN AMERICA. SHE HAD TRAVELED TO INDIA (WHERE SHE APPARENTLY FOUND THE INSPIRATION FOR HER METHOD), AND WAS AN EARLY ADVOCATE OF WOMEN'S' RIGHTS. DR. STOCKHAM'S METHOD, CALLED KAREZZA 9FROM THE ITALIAN WORD FOR CARESS) IS SET FORTH IN HER BOOK, THE ETHICS OF MARRIAGE. (HEALTH RESEARCH,BOX 70 MOKEUMME, CA 95245) THOUGH HER METHOD ENJOYED A FAIR AMOUNT OF POPULARITY IN HER LIFETIME, VICTORIAN PRUDERY KEPT THE PRACTICE FROM SPREADING WIDELY. RECENTLY, HOWEVER, THERE HAS BEEN A RENEWED INTEREST IN KAREZZA, WHICH BEARS A REMARKABLE RESEMBLANCE TO MASTERS AND JOHNSON'S TECHNIQUE FOR CURING FRIGIDITY AND IMPOTENCE. THE FOLLOWING REAPPRAISAL FIRST APPEARED IN NEW AGE MAGAZINE: IN ESSENCE KAREZZA IS CONSCIOUS, SLOW, GENTLE SEX WITHOUT ORGASM FOR EITHER MAN OR WOMAN. COUPLES WHO PRACTICED KAREZZA ON STOCKHAM'S SUGGESTION BEGAN TO REPORT INTENSE SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCES, SUCH AS HOLY LOVE FOR THEIR PARTNERS (AFTER YEARS OF BOREDOM), FEELINGS OF TOTAL UNION, THE PRESENCE OF SPIRIT BEINGS, A GLOW OF BLUE OR GOLDEN LIGHTS, AND PURE BLISS LASTING FOR HOURS, BOTH DURING AND AFTER AMAZINGLY LONG PERIODS OF LOVEMAKING. WILHELM REICH AND THE FUNCTION OF THE ORGASM ---------------------------------------------------------------------- "LOVE, WORK, AND KNOWLEDGE" WROTE W.REICH," ARE THE WELL-SPRINGS OF OUR LIFE. THEY SHOULD ALSO GOVERN IT." REICH WAS A CLOSE STUDENT AND COLLEAGUE OF FREUD'S UNTIL THE TWO HAD A PARTING OF THE WAYS--MOSTLY (ACCORDING TO REICH) BECAUSE HE FOLLOWED UP THE IMPLICATIONS OF FREUD'S THEORIES OF SEXUALLY, NOT ONLY PSYCHOANALYTICALLY BUT ALSO BIOLOGICALLY. IT WAS REICH'S BELIEF THAT A HEALTHY LIFE-AFFIRMING PERSON WAS A PERSON WITH A HEALTHY, LIFE-AFFIRMING SEX LIFE. THIS BELIEF LED REICH TO A CLOSE INVESTIGATION OF THE FUNCTION OF ORGASM--- AND HIS DISCOVERY THAT MANY PEOPLE, EVEN IF THEY SEEMED TO HAVE "NORMAL" SEXUAL RELATIONS, WERE ACTUALLY CRIPPLED BY THEIR "CHARACTER ARMOR." REICH FOUND EVIDENCE OF THIS "ARMOR" NOT ONLY IN THE PSYCHE BUT IN THE CHARACTERISTIC WAY PEOPLE HELD THEIR BODIES AND BREATHED. REICHIAN THERAPY, AS IT DEVELOPED, THUS INCLUDED EXERCISES, MASSAGE, AND DEEP BREATHING. HIS APPROACH IS NOW RECOGNIZED AS HAVING PAVED THE WAY FOR MANY OF THE "BODY THERAPY'S MADE POPULAR BY THE HUMAN POTENTIAL MOVEMENT-- BIO-ENERGETICS, GESTALT THERAPY, ROLFING, PRIMAL SCREAM THERAPY, ET AL. OWE MUCH TO REICH'S PIONEERING WORK. FOR REICH, KEN DYCHTWALD WRITES IN BODYMIND, "SEXUAL ENERGY WAS THE MOST SUBLIME OF ALL THE ENERGIES, AND SEXUAL FREEDOM THE HIGHEST OF ALL ASPIRATIONS....THE HEALTHY PERSON, ACCORDING TO REICH, IS ONE WHO REGULARLY ENGAGES IN LOVING UNINHIBITED SEXUAL EXCHANGE LEADING TO A THOROUGHLY SATISFYING ORGASM." IN THE FUNCTION OF ORGASM,REICH WROTE: PSYCHIC HEALTH DEPENDS ON ORGASTIC POTENCY, I.E., UPON THE DEGREE TO WHICH ONE CAN SURRENDER TO AND EXPERIENCE THE CLIMAX OD EXCITATION IN THE NATURAL SEXUAL ACT. IT IS FOUNDED UPON THE HEALTHY CHARACTER ATTITUDE OF THE INDIVIDUAL'S CAPACITY FOR LOVE. PSYCHIC ILLNESSES ARE THE RESULT OF A DISTURBANCE OF THE NATURAL ABILITY TO LOVE. [BOTH PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY] IN THE CASE OF ORGASTIC IMPOTENCE, FROM WHICH THE OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF PEOPLE SUFFER, DAMMING-UP OF THE BIOLOGICAL ENERGY OCCURS AND BECOMES THE SOURCE OF IRRATIONAL ACTIONS. THE ESSENTIAL REQUIREMENT TO CURE PSYCHIC DISTURBANCES IS THE REESTABLISHMENT OF THE NATURAL CAPACITY FOR LOVE." SEXUAL LIBERATION IMPLIES THE LIBERATION OF THE WHOLE BEING : MIND, BODY, AND SPIRIT. THIS HOLISTIC VIEWPOINT IS AN ESSENTIAL INGREDIENT TO THE UNDERSTANDING OF THE SEXUAL SECRETS. -NIK DOUGLAS SEXUAL RITUALS: SEEING YOUR LOVER AS DIVINE ----------------------------------------------------------------------- IN ANCIENT INDIA, CONTEMPLATIVE LOVE OFTEN TOOK THE FORM OF A RITUAL, WHICH EMPHASIZED THE SACRED NATURE OF THE SEXUAL ENCOUNTER. SUCH RITUAL MIGHT INCLUDE A PERIOD OF MEDITATION, THE REPETITION OF MANTRAS, MUDRAS (SYMBOLIC GESTURES), VISUALIZATION, AND ADVANCED YOGIC BREATHING PRACTICES. INCENSE, WINE AND RITUAL FOODS WERE ALSO INCLUDED. WHILE IT WOULD NOT MAKE MUCH SENSE FOR A CONTEMPORARY WESTERNER TO DUPLICATE SUCH RITUALS, CERTAIN BASIC ELEMENTS AND ATTITUDES TAKEN FROM THESE ANCIENT RITUALS CAN HELP ENHANCE THE CONTEMPORARY EXPERIENCE OF CONTEMPLATIVE LOVE. THE BASIC IDEA BEHIND RITUAL IS THAT IT ENABLES US TO SEE THE UNIVERSE AS SACRED. ACCORDING TO THE TANTRIC VIEW, WE FORGET TO SEE OUR PARTNERS AS DIVINE - AS THE GODS OR GODDESSES THEY (AND WE) TRULY ARE. RITUAL SLOWS US DOWN, LIFTS US OUT OF OUR HABITUAL WAY OF SEEING THE WORLD, AND REMINDS US OF WHO WE CAN BE. "RITUAL CAN BE MANY THINGS AND TAKE MANY FORMS. RITUAL SHOULD BE WHAT WORKS FOR YOU," SAYS LEWIS DURHAM, DEAN OF THE INSTITUTE FOR THE STUDY OF HUMAN SEXUALITY IN SAN FRANCISCO, HAS ADAPTED TANTRIC AND TAOIST RITUALS FOR WESTERNERS. HE SUGGESTS MEDITATING AT LEAST THIRTY MINUTES OR MORE BEFORE YOU BEGIN. THINK ABOUT YOUR PARTNER AND BEGIN TO FOCUS YOUR ENERGY ON THE MOMENT - ERASE ALL THE REST OF YOUR CONCERNS FROM THE DAY AND LET YOUR MIND BE AT REST. LET WHATEVER HAPPENS HAPPEN. THE TAOISTS HAVE AN EXPRESSION FOR THIS - WU WEI - WHICH MEANS NON-DOING. IT MAY SOUND A BIT CONTRADICTORY, BUT WU WEI DOES NOT MEAN YOU DO NOT BELIEVE THINGS CAN HAPPEN - YOU KNOW THAT THERE IS FEMALE AND MALE ENERGY THAT CAN UNITE. WU WEI WILL LET IT HAPPEN OR NOT HAPPEN, IF THAT IS THE NATURE OF THINGS AT THE MOMENT. YOU PARTICIPATE IN THE NATURAL FLOW OF LIFE AND ENERGY AND DO NOT EXPECT THAT ANYTHING HAS TO HAPPEN. IT IS A CONTINUOUS LETTING-GO OF EXPECTATIONS IN SUCCESSIVE MOMENTS OF NOW. "SEXUAL UNION IS AN AUSPICIOUS YOGA WHICH, THROUGH INVOLVING ENJOYMENT OF ALL THE SENSUAL PLEASURES, GIVES RELEASE. IT IS A PATH TO LIBERATION." -KAULARAHASYA "VISHNU AND LAKSHMI ARE EVER IN LOVE-DALLIANCE TOGETHER; FOR THIS PURPOSE THEY ASSUME VARIOUS FORMS. THEIR CHANGING MANIFESTATIONS TELL OF THEIR INNER COMMUNICATION WITH EACH OTHER. THEY ARE ETERNAL LOVERS." -VISHNU PURANA "THE LOTUS-FLOWER, THE SEX ORGAN OF THE PARTNER IS AN OCEAN FILLED WITH BLISS...WHEN IT IS UNITED WITH THE SCEPTER, THE MALE ORGAN, THEIR MIXTURE IS COMPARED TO THE ELIXIR PRODUCED FROM THE COMBINATION OF MYRRH AND NUTMEG. FROM THEIR UNION A PURE KNOWLEDGE ARISES, WHICH EXPLAINS THE NATURE OF ALL THINGS." -KALACHAKRA TANTRA ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A TAOIST RITUAL --------------- HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF SUCH A RITUAL FROM THE BOOK OF SEXUAL SECRETS. THE AUTHORS TELL OF A TAOIST TEXT CALLED "THE YELLOW BOOK FOR PASSING OVER TO THE OTHER SIDE". IN IT IS DESCRIBED AN ANCIENT SEXUAL RITUAL IN WHICH THE PARTNERS ACT OUT A COSMIC DRAMA. THIS RITUAL WAS CREATED TO "HELP COUPLES TO UNIFY THEIR YIN AND YANG ESSENCES," WHICH WOULD "ENABLE THEM TO ENTER THE TIMELESS REALM OF IMMORTALITY." THE COUPLE FIRST UNDERGOES A RETREAT AND PURIFICATION FOR SEVERAL DAYS: THEN THE COUPLES STAND, FACE TO FACE AND HOLDING HANDS, THE MAN'S INDEX FINGER BETWEEN THE INDEX AND MIDDLE FINGER OF THE WOMAN. STANDING THUS, THE COUPLES MEDITATE ON THE GODS AND GODDESSES OF THE BODY, THE SPIRITS OF THE SEASON AND THE PURPOSE OF THE RITUAL. THEN EACH COUPLE SEPARATES AND SINGLY MEDITATES ON THE GESTURES AND POSTURES OF THE RITE. THE MASTER INSTRUCTS THE PARTICIPANTS TO UNDRESS, PAIR OFF, AND BEGIN A SLOW MYSTIC DANCE. FIRST STANDING, THEN SEATED, AND FINALLY RECLINING, THE COUPLES PERFORM A SERIES OF MYSTIC MOVEMENTS AND GESTURES, IMITATING ANIMALS, BIRDS, NATURAL FORCES AND CELESTIAL BODIES. EVERY MOVE THAT THE MAN MAKES IS MIRRORED EXACTLY BY HIS PARTNER. IF HE LIFTS HIS LEFT ARM OR LEG, SHE MUST RAISE HER RIGHT ARM OR LEG. THIS IS CALLED 'COSMIC HARMONIZATION'. GRADUALLY THE MOVEMENTS ACCELERATE AND SPONTANEITY PREVAILS. INTONING A PRAYER THAT EXPRESSES THEIR DESIRE TO MOVE BOTH HEAVEN AND EARTH, THE COUPLES LIE DOWN AND TOUCH EACH OTHER ON THE HEAD, THE HEART AND THE SEXUAL REGION, ALL THE WHILE CONTROLLING THEIR BREATHING AND HOLDING IN MIND THE CONCEPT OF 'COSMIC HARMONIZATION'. "THIS ANCIENT SEXUAL RITUAL," THE AUTHORS WRITE, "HAS MANY ELEMENTS THAT CAN BE INCORPORATED INTO MODERN LOVE-RITES. THE LINKING OF FINGERS HELPS CHANNEL ENERGY. MEDITATION ON THE BEINGS WITHIN THE BODY, SEASONAL SPIRITS AND THE PURPOSE OF THE RITUAL ALL HELP TO DIRECT SEXUAL ENERGY ALONG THE PATH TO FULFILLMENT. MYSTIC DANCE, MADE UP OF NATURAL MOVEMENTS AND GESTURES, MIRRORED IN EACH PARTNER AND INCREASING IN TEMPO, GREATLY AIDS THE HARMONIZATION OF MOOD; PERSONALITY LIMITATIONS ARE QUICKLY OVERCOME BY THIS JOYOUS OPENING. BREATH AND MIND CONTROL ARE ESSENTIAL TO ANY CONCEPT OF 'COSMIC HARMONIZATION.'" ______________________________________________________________________ CELIBACY -------- IN MANY SPIRITUAL TRADITIONS CELIBACY OR ABSTAINING FROM SEX IS CONSIDERED AN IMP[IMPORTANT PART OF THE SPIRITUAL PATH. IN THE EAST, AND IN CERTAIN WESTERN ESOTERIC TRADITIONS, CELIBACY IS PRACTICED AS A MEANS TO STORE AND TRANSMUTE SEXUAL ENERGY INTO SPIRITUAL ENERGY. DIO NEFF, WHO HAS WRITTEN EXTENSIVELY ON THE SUBJECT FOR 'YOGA JOURNAL'; AND OTHER PUBLICATIONS, CALLS THIS APPROACH "POSITIVE CELIBACY." "POSITIVE CELIBACY IS WHERE SEXUAL ENERGY IS CONSIDERED AN HONORABLE, EVEN SACRED FORCE, AS DISTINCT FROM THOSE TEACHINGS WHICH VIES SEXUALITY WITH DISTASTE AND SUSPICION, WHERE IT'S THOUGHT TO BE THE ANTITHESIS OF SPIRIT," SHE WRITES IN AN ARTICLE IN THE 'YOGA JOURNAL'. "POSITIVE CELIBACY ADHERENTS BELIEVE IN ABSTINENCE NOT TO AVOID SOMETHING 'LOWLY' BUT TO RETAIN THAT POWERFUL ENERGY WITHIN THE BODY - NOT LETTING IT OUT THROUGH ORGASM - SO THAT IT CAN, BY VIRTUE OF ITS ACCUMULATED PRESSURE, HELP TRANSFORM, TRANSMUTE, AND SPIRITUALIZE THE BODY." SOME PEOPLE PRACTICE CELIBACY FOR MORE PRACTICAL REASONS. SEXUAL DESIRE, AS WE ALL KNOW, OFTEN LEADS TO ATTACHMENT, AND ATTACHMENT OFTEN LEADS TO SUFFERING. IN ASIA, MONKS AND RENUNCATES VIEWED CELIBACY AS AN AID TO LEADING A LIFE OF NON-ATTACHMENT, SIMPLICITY, AND TRANQUILITY. SUCH A WAY OF LIFE, FREE FROM THE DISTRACTIONS OF THE FLESH, IS CONSIDERED CONDUCTIVE TO PURSUING THE SPIRITUAL PATH. THE WORD CELIBACY COMES FROM THE LATIN FOR SINGLE, AND A CELIBATE PERSON IS SINGULAR - TRADITIONALLY A MONK OR NUN OR HERMIT. TRUE CELIBACY DOES NOT COME FROM FEAR OR AVERSION, BUT, WE ARE TOLD, FROM A PASSIONATE LOVE OF THE LIFE OF THE SPIRIT. NUNS WEAR RINGS SIGNIFYING THEIR MARRIAGE TO CHRIST, AND SAINT THERESA OF ALVIA WROTE PASSIONATE LOVE POEMS FILLED WITH MYSTICAL ECSTASY. IN THE PAST PEOPLE OFTEN TOOK VOWS OF CELIBACY FOR A LIFETIME. BUT TEMPORARY CELIBACY CAN ALSO BE A VALUABLE AND INSIGHT-PROVIDING EXPERIMENT. BY ABSTAINING AND STEPPING BACK FROM SEX, MANY PEOPLE GAIN NEW INSIGHTS INTO THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR OWN SEXUALITY. IN A BOOK CALLED 'THE NEW CELIBACY', DR. BARBARA BROWN WRITES THAT CELIBACY "IS BEGINNING TO EMERGE IN OUR SOCIETY AS A USEFUL AND POSITIVE VEHICLE TO FURTHER PERSONAL GROWTH." WHEN WE LEARN THE "RULES" OF SEX, SHE SAYS, "WE NEED TO LEARN NOT ONLY WHAT IS SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE AND WHAT MIGHT NOT BE, BUT ALSO THAT SEX HAS AN EXTENDED VALUE THAT GOES WELL BEYOND BOTH ITS PLEASURE AND PROCREATIVE FUNCTIONS. THE WAY TO LEARN EVERYTHING WE EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SEX IS IN THE CONTEXT OF FULL KNOWLEDGE OF ITS RANGE OF EXPRESSION - WHICH MUST INCLUDE CELIBACY. IF WE ALL HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO BE CELIBATE, THEN IT IS REALLY A MATTER OF FINDING OUT ABOUT AND ACCEPTING THIS ASPECT OF BEING SEXUAL ALONG WITH THE ACTIVE ASPECT OF SEX." WE SHOULD IGNORE SEXUAL THOUGHTS WHEN THEY COME TO US, DR. BROWN ADVISES. "THERE'S NO SENSE BEING CELIBATE IF YOU MAKE IT A BIG STRAIN FOR YOURSELF. THINKING ABOUT SEX CONSTANTLY CAN BE JUST AS SEXUAL AS HAVING SEX. AND NOT AS REWARDING." "WHEN YOU STOP BEING CELIBATE SEX WILL HAVE SOMETHING NEW TO OFFER YOU," DR. BROWN CONCLUDES. "NOT ONLY BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN AWAY, BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE MORE SETTLED WITHIN YOURSELF. OR YOU CAN CONTINUE BEING ON VACATION IF YOU'RE ENJOYING IT. IN EITHER CASE, YOU CAN COUNT ON SOME VERY PROFOUND PERSONAL BENEFITS TO HAVE OCCURRED." THE SACRAMENT OF SEXUAL INTIMACY ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "IN THE LOVING COSMOGONY OF REB HAYIM HAIKEL, AN EIGHTEENTH-CENTURY HASIDIC MASTER, 'CREATION WAS FOR THE PURPOSE OF LOVEMAKING. AS LONG AS THERE WAS ONLY ONE-NESS, THERE WAS NO DELIGHT. BUT WHEN DIVISION OCCURRED AND AFTERWARDS THEY [MAN AND WOMAN] WERE CONNECTED WITH ONE ANOTHER, THIS BROUGHT ABOUT GREAT DELIGHT.' FOR THE WISEST AND MOST ELEVATED AMONG US, EVERY CARNAL THOUGHT LEADS TO GOD. THE REST OF US MUST STRIVE TOWARD THIS GOAL." -RABBI ZALMAN-SCHACTER ------------------------------------------------------------------------ AFTERGLOW --------- CONTEMPLATIVE LOVEMAKING DOES NOT END AS THE ACT OF LOVE ENDS. IN THE AFTERGLOW, WE OPEN OUR EYES TO SEE OUR PARTNER IN A NEW WAY: WITHOUT AGENDA OR PRECONCEPTIONS. AS ALAN WATTS WRITES: MYSTICAL VISION, AS HAS ALWAYS BEEN RECOGNIZED, DOES NOT REMAIN AT THE PEAK OF ECSTASY. AS IN LOVE, ITS ECSTASY LEADS INTO CLARITY AND PEACE. THE AFTERMATH OF LOVE IS AN ANTICLIMAX ONLY WHEN THE CLIMAX HAS BEEN TAKEN AND NOT RECEIVED. BUT WHEN THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE WAS RECEIVED THE AFTERMATH FINDS ONE IN A MARVELOUSLY CHANGED AND YET UNCHANGED WORLD, AND HERE WE ARE SPEAKING OF SPIRITUALITY AND SEXUALITY IN THE SAME BREATH. FOR THE MIND AND SENSES DO NOT NOW HAVE TO OPEN THEMSELVES; THEY FIND THEMSELVES NATURALLY OPENED, AND IT APPEARS THAT THE DIVINE WORLD IS NO OTHER THAN THE EVERYDAY WORLD.