CHOICE OF OPPOSITE SEX PARTNERS/PARTNER CHARACTERISTICS SEXCHOSE.TXT *********************************************************************** SO MANY CHOOSE TO PARTNER, SHORT TERM OR LONG TERM, WITH ANOTHER WHO IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO WOULD MAKE THE BEST PARTNER FOR THEM AND ASSIST THEM ON A DAILY BASIS TO BE HAPPY AND AT PEACE INSIDE. SO MANY CONTINUE TO REPEATEDLY CHOSE PARTNERS WHO ARE NOT CAPABLE OF: OPENING THEIR HEARTS FULLY, SHARING IN DEPTH, BEING NON-POSSESSIVE, NOR OF GIVING THE KIND OF LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP WHICH BRINGS DAILY JOY AND HAPPINESS IN A QUALITY INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP. SO MANY CHOSE PARTNERS WHO ARE FAR FAR "BELOW" WHAT THEY DESERVE IN A PARTNER ! BECAUSE OF THESE THINGS THEIR RELATIONSHIPS ARE OFTEN VERY SHORT, THEY OFTEN EXPERIENCE HURT, SORROW AND REJECTION WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP COMES TO AN END. WHEN A RELATIONSHIP ENDS, THEY OFTEN JUMP RAPIDLY INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP, TO FULFILL THEIR NEED TO BE LOVED, TO GIVE LOVE, TO BE APPRECIATED/RESPECTED AND TO EASE THEIR SUFFERING. THEY REPEAT THIS "CYCLE" UNTIL THEY COME TO SEE THIS PATTERN, LEARN HOW TO CHOSE AN APPROPRIATE PARTNER AND DECIDE THEY DO NOT WANT TO CONTINUE DOING THE SAME IGNORANT "PATTERN" OVER AND OVER. WOMAN AND MAN WERE "DESIGNED", SPIRITUALLY, EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY AND BIOLOGICALLY, TO "LIVE TOGETHER IN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS". SO PERHAPS AN EFFORT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT ONE'S SELF, WHAT IS APPROPRIATE TO HAVE IN A PARTNER AND BETTER WAYS TO CHOSE A PARTNER IS A POSITIVE THING TO DO. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SO MUCH OF THE "CHOOSING" APPEARS TO BE CONSCIOUS CHOICE, BUT IS ACTUALLY DONE ON THE BASIS OF BELOW CONSCIOUS IMAGES AND "PROGRAMING". THE MAJORITY OF THIS PROGRAMING OCCURS FROM BIRTH TO AGE SEVEN. THE PROGRAMING IS REINFORCED DURING THE PRE-TEEN AND TEEN YEARS, BY EXPERIENCES, BY PARENTAL PRESSURES, PEER PRESSURES AND CULTURAL PRESSURES. SOME CALL THE ABOVE KIND OF PARTNERING AS PARTNERING ON THE BASIS OF ROMANTIC LOVE OR CHEMISTRY. THIS CHEMISTRY BETWEEN A MAN AND WOMAN SELDOM LASTS MOVE THAN 2 YEARS. IT IS NOT A DEEP AND LONG LASTING LASTING LOVE. SOME OF THE PROGRAMING MAY EXIST ON A CONSCIOUS LEVEL AS WELL. HE/SHE MUST BE A CERTAIN RACE / CULTURE / RELIGION / EDUCATION / HEIGHT / WEIGHT / SHAPE / HAIR COLOR / AGE / .......ECT. MOST PEOPLE RAISED IN WESTERN CULTURES HAVE LITTLE OR NO KNOWLEDGE OF SUCH THINGS. THEY HAVE NO CONSCIOUS AWARENESS OF THE PATTERNS AND IMAGES IN THEIR SUB-CONSCIOUS. THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THE IMAGES AND PATTERNS WERE CREATED NOR HOW MUCH THEY ARE EFFECTED BY THEM. THEY ALSO DO NOT UNDERSTAND THEIR BASIC NEEDS, WHY THEY ARE THERE, NOR HOW TO FULFILL THESE NEEDS FULLY AND "APPROPRIATELY". THEY SEE/MEET SOMEONE AND FOR SOME "REASON" ARE "DRAWN" TOWARD THEM. FEEL CHEMISTRY WITH THEM. THEY WANT THEIR BASIC HUMAN NEEDS MET, THEY NEED THEM MET AND SINCE THEY ARE DRAWN TOWARD A PERSON THEY START SPENDING TIME WITH THAT PERSON AND -SUDDENLY THEY ARE INVOLVED FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE-. OUR CULTURE SOMETIMES SPEAKS OF "CHEMISTRY" BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN. THIS CHEMISTRY MAY BE "CREATED" WHEN ONE MEETS A PERSON WHO "FITS" THE ABOVE MENTIONED IMAGES AND PROGRAMING TO SOME EXTENT. IT IS INTERESTING THAT THE WORD CHEMISTRY HAS BEEN USED TO DESCRIBE THIS SITUATION, SINCE RESENT SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH SHOWS THAT THERE ARE ACTUALLY MEASURABLE CHEMICAL CHANGES THAT OCCUR, IN THE BRAIN, FOR A PERIOD OF TIME, WHEN A MAN AND A WOMAN ARE "DRAWN TO EACH OTHER" AND START SPENDING TIME TOGETHER. THE BODY STARTS MANUFACTURING A CHEMICAL, IN THE BRAIN, THAT PRODUCES PLEASURE. BEING WITH "THAT PERSON", SEEING, HEARING, SMELLING, TASTING, TOUCHING, THAT PERSON, APPEARS TO CAUSE THE PLEASURE CHEMICAL TO MANIFEST IN THEIR BRAINS. THERE ALSO SEEMS TO BE A TIME PATTERN AS TO HOW LONG THE CHEMICAL IS PRODUCED BY THE BODY AFTER THE PROCESS STARTS. THIS TIME "PERIOD" IS NORMALLY ABOUT TWO YEARS IN LENGTH. THE QUANTITY OF THE CHEMICAL PRODUCED IS LARGE IN THE BEGINNING AND STARTS DECREASING AS TIME PASSES. TOWARD THE END OF THE TWO YEAR TIME PERIOD, THE AMOUNT OF THE PLEASURE CHEMICAL PRODUCED IS APPROACHING ZERO. IF THE WOMAN CONCEIVES AND GIVES BIRTH TO A CHILD BEFORE THE END OF THE TWO YEAR PERIOD, IT APPEARS THE PROCESS IS STARTED AGAIN AND CONTINUES FOR ANOTHER TWO YEARS. IT IS INTERESTING TO NOTE THAT A CHILD CONCEIVED AT THE BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP IS ABLE TO "GET AROUND" (WALK) ABOUT THE TIME THE PRODUCTION OF THE PLEASURE CHEMICAL BY THE BODY HAS DECREASED DRASTICALLY. IF THE WOMAN AGAIN CONCEIVES AT THAT TIME, THE CHEMICAL IS AGAIN PRODUCED IN LARGER QUANTITIES, IN BOTH THE MAN AND THE WOMAN. THERE APPEARS TO BE A SHORTER "VERSION" OF THIS, LASTING ONLY WEEKS OR A FEW MONTHS. PERHAPS THIS MANIFESTS BECAUSE WHAT "APPEARED TO THE SUB-CONSCIOUS" TO BE A "CLOSE FIT" TO THEIR INTERNAL IMAGES IS SOON FOUND NOT TO BE A CLOSE FIT AFTER ALL, SO THE RELATIONSHIP IS ENDED AND LOOKING FOR AOTHER PARTNER BEGINS AGAIN. THE RESEARCH STATES THAT, SO FAR, THE SCIENTISTS HAVE NOT FOUND WHAT TRIGGERS OFF THE PRODUCTION OF THE CHEMICAL. IT IS THE BELIEF OF THIS WRITER THAT THE PROCESS IS STARTED BY MEETING A PERSON WHO FITS THEIR INTERNAL PATTERNS AND IMAGES TO SOME DEGREE. THE CLOSER THE "FIT", THE STRONGER IS THE "DRAW". ONE CAN POSSIBLY OBSERVE THIS PROCESS, OR A VERY SIMILAR ONE IN A VERY YOUNG BABY AND IT'S MOTHER, HOW THE BABY RESPONDS TO ITS MOTHERS VOICE, TOUCH ETC. MAINLY, IT HAS ONLY BEEN IN THE LAST 5O OR SO YEARS THAT PEOPLE STARTED PARTNERING ON A "CHEMISTRY ONLY BASIS". IT SEEMS THAT THE EASTERN AND OLDER EUROPEAN CULTURES MAY HAVE UNDERSTOOD ALL THIS ON SOME LEVEL, AS PARTNERING, MARRIAGE ETC. HAD LITTLE TO DO WITH "CHEMISTRY". MOST MARRIAGES WERE "ARRANGED", ARRANGED ON THE BASIS OF FAMILY TIES, PROPERTY OWNERSHIP, POLITICAL CONSIDERATIONS AND METAPHYSICAL CONSIDERATIONS. OFTEN THE MAN AND WOMAN HAD NEVER SEEN EACH OTHER BEFORE THE WERE BROUGHT TOGETHER BY THEIR FAMILIES AND OR COMMUNITY TO PARTNER. IT IS INTERESTING TO NOTE, THAT IN THE COUNTRIES THAT DO NOT PARTNER BY CHEMISTRY, THE MARRIAGES ARE FOR THE MOST PART MAINLY STABLE AND LONG LASTING. AND, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THEY ARE USUALLY LOVE FILLED HAPPY MARRIAGES. SOME TIME IN OUR PAST HISTORY, WESTERN CULTURE STARTED PARTNERING BY "CHEMISTRY" AND SLOWLY OTHER CULTURES HAVE STARTED THE DOING THE SAME AS THEY STARTED BECOMING "WESTERNIZED". AMERICA, IN THE LAST TWENTY PLUS YEARS, HAS BEEN EXPERIENCING THE TOTAL BREAKDOWN OF THE FAMILY UNIT AS A STABLE LONG LASTING "FOUNDATION" FOR ITS CULTURE. EACH CULTURE ELSEWHERE THAT HAS BEEN REPEATING THE "AMERICAN PARTNER PATTERN", IS STARTING TO EXPERIENCE THE SAME BREAKDOWN OF THEIR FAMILY UNITS. EVERY CULTURE IN MAN'S RECORDED HISTORY, THAT HAS HAD THE BASIC FAMILY UNITS BEGIN AND CONTINUE TO BREAKDOWN, HAS TOTALLY CLASPED. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IT APPEARS THAT IT IS TIME FOR A CHANGE IN THIS "PARTNERING PATTERN" IF AMERICAN CULTURE IS TO SURVIVE !!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IF A COUPLE JOIN ON THE BASIS OF "CHEMISTRY" THEN THEY NEED TO WORK ON BECOMING BEST FRIENDS, TRULY INTIMATE AND DEVELOPING THE DEEPER LOVE THAT IS POSSIBLE BEFORE THE "CHEMISTRY" RUNS OUT ! BETTER STILL DO NOT PARTNER ON "CHEMISTRY" ONLY ! "CHEMISTRY" IS NOT NECESSARY TO PARTNER ! CHEMISTRY WILL MANIFEST BY ITS SELF IF BOTH TOTALLY OPEN THEIR HEARTS TO EACH OTHER, DROP ALL THEIR MENTAL BARRIERS AND JOIN TOGETHER. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ BELOW IS A LIST OF CHARACTERISTICS THAT THIS WRITER BELIEVES ARE IMPORTANT AND NEEDED IN A PARTNER: CHARACTERISTICS OF AN APPROPRIATE PARTNER ----------------------------------------------------------------------- TRUST: -HAS TRUST IN YOU: -TRUSTS YOU TO HAVE GOOD JUDGEMENT -TRUSTS YOU TO BE FAITHFUL -TRUSTS YOU TO BE RESPONSIBLE -TRUSTS YOU TO CONTINUE GIVING YOUR LOVE OPENNESS: -IS OPEN TO: -GROWING AND CHANGING -TO EXPLORING "NEW THINGS", BOTH WITH YOU AND ON HIS/HER OWN -TO LEARNING FROM YOU AND OTHERS -TO SHARING ALL INTIMATE "PRIVATE" THINGS WITH YOU -TO SHARING KNOWLEDGE -TO TEACHING YOU -TO LEARNING FROM YOU HONESTY: -IS BASICALLY HONEST: -SHARES ABOUT EVERYTHING WITH YOU -IS HONEST WITH OTHERS, WHEN IT IS APPROPRIATE LOVING: -ACCEPTS AND LOVES YOU JUST AS YOU ARE RIGHT THIS MOMENT -HAS FEW "EXPECTATIONS" OF YOU -DOES NOT DEMAND CHANGE IN YOU OR FOR YOU TO BE SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT -BELIEVES YOU TO BE "SPECIAL" AND TREATS YOU SO -CREATES SURPRISES FOR YOU -EXPRESSES LOVE WITH TOUCH, DEEDS AND WORDS -EXPERIENCES HAPPINESS FROM JUST YOUR PRESENCE -CONSIDERS YOUR HAPPINESS OF PRIME IMPORTANCE -IS MORE CONCERNED IN YOUR HAPPINESS & PLEASURE THAN HIS/HERS AFFECTIONATE: -SHARES HIS/HER FEELINGS FOR YOU OFTEN, PHYSICALLY, AND VERBALLY PHYSICALLY: -IS "GENTLE" WITH YOU -TOUCHES YOU OFTEN WHEN THERE IS NO THOUGHT OR INTENT OF "BED" -EXPLORES TO LEARN WHAT "PLEASURES" YOU -ENJOYS EVEN SIMPLE PHYSICAL CONTACTS WITH YOU, LIKE HOLDING YOUR HAND -WASHES AND BRUSHES YOUR HAIR, BATHES YOU, MASSAGES YOU SENSITIVE: -SENSITIVE TO: -YOUR MOODS -YOUR FEELINGS -YOUR NEEDS -YOUR DESIRES APPRECIATIVE OF YOU: -NOTICES YOUR APPEARANCE -EXPRESSES APPRECIATION FOR YOUR EFFORTS, GROWTH AND WORK -PRAISES YOU FOR THINGS DONE WELL -DOES NOT "TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED" NON-POSSESSIVE: -IS NOT JEALOUS OF YOUR FRIENDS OF EITHER SEX -PROVIDES YOU "ALONE TIME", IF YOU WANT OR NEED IT -PROVIDES YOU "SEPARATE TIME" WITH YOUR FRIENDS, IF YOU WANT OR NEED IT CONSIDERATE: -CONSIDERS YOUR POSSIBLE FEELINGS BEFORE TAKING ACTIONS -"MAKES" FREE TIME AVAILABLE FOR YOU WHEN YOU WANT OR NEED IT -INQUIRES ABOUT WHAT PLEASES YOU, AND WANT DISPLEASES YOU -SHARES CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM GENTLY -SUPPORTIVE OF YOU IN YOUR PROJECTS AND EDUCATION -ASSISTS YOU IN EVERYDAY CHORES SO YOU DO NOT GET BURNT OUT ON THEM RESPONSIBLE: -IS CAREFUL ABOUT MAKING AGREEMENTS WITH YOU AND WITH OTHERS -IS CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT THE AGREEMENTS MEAN TO BOTH PARTIES -WORKS AT KEEPING ALL AGREEMENTS MADE -WORKS AT SUPPORTING HIM/HER SELF AND YOU DILIGENTLY -IS CONSERVATIVE WITH RESOURCES COMMUNICATIVE: -SHARES FEELING AS THEY ARE HAPPENING -SHARES ON ALL SUBJECTS OPENLY AND HONESTLY -GIVES FULL ATTENTION TO YOU AND REALLY "LISTENS" WHEN COMMUNICATING -LOOKS DIRECTLY IN YOUR EYES WHEN COMMUNICATING -COMMUNICATES ANGER WITHOUT VERBAL OR PHYSICAL VIOLENCE MISC: HAS SENSE OF HUMOR. HAS GOOD "PERSONAL" HABITS. IS REASONABLY NEAT AND ORDERLY, BUT NOT OBSESSIVE ABOUT IT. SHARES MAKING IMPORTANT DECISIONS WITH YOU. HAS A REASONABLE SELF IMAGE. ACCEPTS CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM COMFORTABLY. WORKS AT KEEPING HIS/HER AWARENESS HIGH. WILLING TO SHARE FULLY IN CHILD RAISING RESPONSIBILITIES. HAS SOME KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM. IS REASONABLY HUMBLE ABOUT THEIR WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE. SHARES THEIR KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM WHEN ASKED. (MANY PARTNER WITH ONE WHO IS PHYSICALLY APPEALING AND FUN TO BE WITH, GIVING LITTLE CONSIDERATION TO THEIR WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE OR THEIR ABILITY ASSIST THEIR PARTNER IN GROWING AND CHANGING. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I AM SURE YOU FIND THE ABOVE LIST A LITTLE OVER WHELMING, BUT...... IF THE PERSON YOU ARE GOING WITH, LIVING WITH, OR ARE MARRIED TOO, DOES NOT HAVE MANY OF THE ABOVE CHARACTERISTICS, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING BEING WITH THEM ? EVERY HUMAN BEING "DESERVES" TO HAVE THE BEST POSSIBLE PARTNER ! WHY SETTLE FOR SO MUCH LESS THAT YOU DESERVE ? -- ganashyam das